Step 1) Consider every which way to make and deliver handpies for a wedding, because I just read somewhere that those are all the new rage. Come up with nothing. Resort to the good old standby that anything in mini packaging becomes mind blowingly-adorable. Case in point: Pies in Tiny Jars.
Step 2) Walk to local hardware store to buy jars in different sizes. Take dogs into hardware store where they are oogled over like rock-stars. Feel like the guy that walked behind P.diddy with the umbrella while I'm holding their leashes.
Step 3) Dust off the old Betty Crocker and attempt homemade pie dough. Feel like a domestic goddess when the dough ball looks just perfect.
Step 4) Reward goddess-ness with some cocktails while baking.
Step 5) Peel, peel, peel, peel, slice, slice, slice, slice. Curse ourselves for not making some kind of berry pie. Realize at the end, we've got enough apples for to make pie every day for a month. Urgh! More cocktails.
Step 6) Begin the business of dough rolling. Watch helplessly as perfect dough ball crumbles into little pieces on the counter. Curse Martha Stewart, because somehow she and Betty are in on this together and have left out the secret trick of the recipe.
Step 7) Re-read Pies in Tiny Jars instructions and realize we're not supposed to be rolling at all. Somehow this is Martha's fault too, I'm convinced.
Step 8) Press crumbly pie dough into the bottom of little jars. Try to imagine doing this on the full scale of a wedding.
Step 9) Load up tiny jars with apple filling and top with a hand cut hearts because all my cookie cutters are gigantic. (why would I eat 1 tiny cookie when I could have 1 gigantic cookie and it's still count as just one, right?)
Step 10) Have enough apples left to make regular pies. Have no way to make a top crust because the dough balls were a disaster. Improvise by cutting out little hearts and putting them all over the top of the big pie. Ha! Take that Martha-Betty!
Step 11) Pop in oven and bake. Easy as.....Pie (sort of).